Why Not Be Nice, But Be Wise Instead?

From childhood, we are often told to "be nice." It seems like a simple virtue—be agreeable, be polite, don’t cause trouble. But what if being nice isn't always the best approach? What if, instead, we chose to be wise?

Interestingly, the word nice hasn’t always had the positive meaning we associate with it today. Understanding its original meaning sheds light on why wisdom should take priority over niceness.

The Surprising Origin of “Nice”

The word nice comes from the Latin nescius, meaning “ignorant” or “unknowing.” It passed through Old French (nice—meaning “foolish” or “careless”) before evolving in Middle English to describe someone as timid or overly simple. Over time, its meaning softened to represent politeness, agreeability, and mild-mannered behavior.

This transformation is revealing. The historical roots of nice suggest a lack of awareness or discernment, which aligns with how excessive niceness can sometimes lead to naivety or manipulation. So why settle for being “nice” when we can be wise instead?

The Problem with Being Nice

While kindness is essential, an overemphasis on niceness can lead to:

People-Pleasing – Saying “yes” to everything out of fear of rejection.

Lack of Boundaries – Allowing others to take advantage of you.

Suppressed Authenticity – Hiding your true thoughts to avoid upsetting people.

Emotional Exhaustion – Giving too much without reciprocity.

Nice people may avoid confrontation, sacrifice their own needs, and prioritize being liked over being respected. But wisdom offers a better way.

Why Wisdom is More Powerful Than Niceness

Instead of being blindly nice, choosing to be wise allows you to navigate life with clarity and strength. The Bible Study Commentary by Pastor David explains the importance of wisdom accordingly, "In our spiritual journey, establishing the foundation of wisdom is crucial. The Bible teaches us that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. This means recognizing God’s greatness and authority is the first step in gaining insight and understanding. When we acknowledge who God is, we learn to see the world through His perspective.

Dove

This divine overview equips us to face problems with grace and faith, giving us a resilient spirit to carry out His will. Wisdom isn’t about being the smartest person in the room; it’s about being closely aligned with God’s desires for our lives."

Bible Hub explains what Jesus meant when speaking to His disciples regarding wisdom. "Matthew 10:16 records Jesus saying, “Look, I am sending you out like sheep among wolves; therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.” In older English translations, this is rendered “wise as serpents, harmless as doves.” The immediate context describes the mission of Christ’s followers in a hostile environment. “Shrewd” or “wise” captures the idea of careful discernment and skillful action, while “innocent” or “harmless” underscores purity and moral uprightness."

Greek Terminology as described in Bible Hub:

In the original text, the Greek word φρόνιμοι (phronimoi) is translated as “shrewd,” “wise,” or “prudent,” reflecting intelligent consideration and resourcefulness. The word ἀκέραιοι (akeraioi) is translated as “innocent” or “harmless,” conveying the notion of being pure, unmixed with evil, and free from guilt.

"1st-century Judea existed under Roman occupation, with frequent social, political, and religious tensions. Early believers faced suspicion from both Jewish and Roman authorities, creating the need for a balance of “serpent-like” caution and “dove-like” innocence.

• Serpents in Jewish culture were often symbols of cunning (cf. Genesis 3:1), suggesting alertness and situational awareness.

• Doves, among the most harmless creatures in Near Eastern culture, represented innocence and purity (cf. Luke 3:22, where the Holy Spirit descends “in a bodily form like a dove”).

Balancing Wisdom and Innocence

• Jesus’ instruction does not endorse deception or unethical conduct. It instead calls for strategic thinking (wisdom) governed by moral purity (innocence).

• True wisdom includes understanding when to speak, when to remain silent, how to show compassion, and how to distance oneself from potential harm without neglecting the commission to spread the gospel." (Bible Hub)

Additional Scriptures about wisdom in the Bible which help us to understand are as follows:

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding.” – Psalm 111:10

“For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.” – Proverbs 2:6

“For wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her.” – Proverbs 8:11

“How much better to get wisdom than gold, to get insight rather than silver!” – Proverbs 16:16

“The one who gets wisdom loves life; the one who cherishes understanding will soon prosper.” – Proverbs 19:8

Here’s how:

1. Wisdom Seeks Truth, Not Just Comfort

Nice people might sugarcoat reality to avoid hurting feelings. Wise people, however, prioritize honesty with tact—because growth often requires uncomfortable truths.

2. Wisdom Knows When to Say No

Nice people say “yes” out of obligation. Wise people recognize that setting boundaries is essential for self-respect and well-being.

3. Wisdom Prioritizes Respect Over Approval

Nice people want to be liked; wise people want to be respected. They understand that true integrity means standing by their values, even if it makes them unpopular.

4. Wisdom Balances Empathy with Discernment

Empathy is a wonderful trait, but without wisdom, it can be exploited. Wise people help others without enabling bad behavior or becoming doormats.

5. Wisdom Chooses Strength Over Passivity

Niceness can lead to passivity—going along with things just to keep the peace. Wisdom, however, empowers you to stand up for yourself and others when necessary.

How to Shift from Being Nice to Being Wise

Think Before Reacting – Don’t default to being agreeable; evaluate the situation first.

Set Boundaries – Protect your time, energy, and emotions.

Be Authentic – Speak your mind with kindness, but don’t suppress your true thoughts.

Seek Depth Over Superficial Approval – Build meaningful relationships rather than chasing widespread but shallow validation.

Trust Your Instincts – Learn when to give and when to step back.

Conclusion: Choose Wisdom Over Niceness

Being nice may seem like the easy path, but it often leads to resentment, exhaustion, and a loss of self-identity. Wisdom, on the other hand, allows you to be kind without being naive, compassionate without being exploited, and strong without being cruel.

So, rather than striving to be “nice” in the traditional sense, aim to be wise—because wisdom will serve you far better in the long run.

References:

Bible Study Commentary by Pastor David - 30 Powerful best bible verses about wisdom (Full Commentary) - Bible Study For You

Bible Hub - What does "wise as serpents, harmless as doves" mean?

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